New Lords Of Salem Movie Delivered The Worst Theatrical Experience Ever

New Lords Of Salem Movie Delivered The Worst Theatrical Experience Ever

lords of salem movie poster image

New Lords Of Salem movie delivered the worst theatrical experience ever. Anchor Bay Films released their new Rob Zombie horror/thriller flick “The Lords Of Salem” movie into theaters this weekend. I just checked it out,and wish that I never did. It was the most horrible theatrical experience of my life. It bored me to death. I can’t remember how many times a film had me dozing off to sleep for a lack of plot richness. The movie stars: Sheri Moon Zombie, Bruce Davidson, Jeffrey Daniel Phillips, Ken Foree, Patricia Quinn, Dee Wallace, Maria Conchita Alonso, Judy Gleeson, Meg Foster,and Griffin Boice.

The new flick told the tale of Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie), a radio station DJ living in Salem, Massachusetts along with two guys , named Whitey and Munster,and they called themselves the ‘Big H Radio Team’. Eventually, mysterious wooden box containing a vinyl record arrives for Heidi, “a gift from the Lords”. She assumes it’s a rock band on a mission to spread their word.

As Heidi and Whitey play the Lords’ record, it starts to play backwards, and Heidi experiences a flashback to a past trauma. This sets up weird set of events that served up just a plethora of crappy-looking horror scenes that ended with Heidi and her cohorts attending a concert gig that involved the original Lords of Salem, returning, and out for blood. The scenes were extremely horrible. I mean, at one point, they showed Heidi in a daze,pulling on what appeared to be some sort of scary-looking midget creature,but you could just tell they were working on a low budget with that shit.

Also, I never looked forward to seeing any of the scenes,because I just knew they that would end in confusion. None of it made any sense. Hell, they didn’t even establish any likeability or interest in Heidi’s character,so if anything bad happened to her, I could’ve cared less. I was like , “They got her. So what?.” “They’ve possessed her. So What?” I was just completely uninterested in her character,whatsoever.

She moped around like an actual zombie most of the time as she supposedly got possessed,tortured,or something. I don’t know exactly what happened,because this movie never really revealed that. Instead, it just served up way over the top scenes with screaming and yelling about nothing.

It capped off with some big huge scene that,I guess, was supposed to be scary,but just even further annoyed me. At one point,it got to be so bad that I just had to laugh at it. It was just that silly. I think the only good part is when they showed Heidi’s ass. She has a nice ass. That’s about it. I gave this movie a straight up F grade. The first F I’ve ever had to give. Trust me when I say, If you see this movie, you’ll be like, “WTF is this shit?” Stay tuned. Also, you can watch your favorite Movies and TV shows online for Free by Clicking Here.

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